Movie Review: Blood Rage

Wickedly Way Back Wednesday Brings Us

Wickedly Way Back Wednesday is here and I was really looking forward to Blood Rage. It has everything I could ever want! It’s from 1987 (the best year ever), it was set in and filmed in Jacksonville, Fl, which right near my hometown, and it’s a Thanksgiving Day horror. What could go wrong?

Breakdown:

The film starts in 1974 at a drive-in theater. Apparently, intermission equates to boom boom in the backseat. I didn’t realize this and now I’m a little jealous that there are no drive-in theaters near me. So, during intermission everyone is getting hot and heavy including Maddy (Louise Lasser) a single mother of two. How do we know she is a single mother of two? Well, she is getting hot and heavy with her boyfriend, while her twin boys Todd (Russell Hall) and Terry (Keith Hall) sleep in the backseat. Gross.

Well, the boys wake up and they seem pretty used to it. They decide that maybe this time they won’t watch mom get hers. They sneak out of the car and start walking around the sea of rocking cars. You know what they say, if the car is a rocking, go find yourself a hatchet and hit the first person who objects to you watching them bang. Which is exactly what Terry did. Afterwards he rubs the blood all over Todd’s face and puts the hatchet in his hand. Then he told everyone that Todd did it and boom he was seen as innocent. Unfortunately for Todd, he was sent away to a mental institution for ten years.

Every year on Thanksgiving his mother comes to visit him. She brings him pumpkin pie, which I suppose is the least she could do. His doctor explains to Maddy that Todd (Mark Soper) is starting to remember what happened ten years ago. She tells her that Todd is innocent, but Terry (also Mark Soper) is so cool and Maddy doesn’t believe a word of it.

Later that night at their Thanksgiving gathering, Maddy and her boyfriend announce that they will be getting married! Yay, right? NO! Terry looks pissed. And weirdly enough you can’t help but get the vibe that Terry and Maddy have a thing going on. Unfortunately, this is neither confirmed nor denied. So, let’s just say that they are. Gross.

During dinner Maddy gets a phone call that Todd has broken out and might be on his way to her place. This puts everyone on high alert so they do what any normal person would do in this situation, they finish dinner. Well, they worked so hard on it! Soon Todd’s doctor shows up and begins her search for him with her handy assistant Mr. Insensitive. He’s great! When you pull the string on his back he says fun phrases like, “Were you here when the Simmons kid first turned wacko?” and “He’s a lunatic.”

Anywhoo! Terry doesn’t like that Todd is back because he may tell the truth. Therefore, the best thing for him to do is frame him some more. He starts going on a killing spree in their apartment complex. The trail of blood seems to lead straight back to him but will everyone catch on to what’s really going on or will Todd be blamed again?

Thoughts:

I flipping loved Blood Rage. The acting was bad. The lines were bad. But the kills were beautiful. Overall, I spent a lot of time laughing and waiting for the next kill.

At one point in this movie, Maddy is clearly my spirit animal. There is a moment when Maddy is eating leftovers from the fridge like a bear who snuck into someone’s home. Girl, we’ve all been there but you took that shit to a new level! Sitting on the floor and eating with your hands. You are glorious.

Not only did she eat the way we all want to eat, but she has also perfected the world of cleaning. Maddy was vacuuming with a glass of wine. Wait… that sounds like she was drunk and pretending the glass of wine was a vacuum. She was drinking a glass of wine while she was vacuuming. There, I fixed it.

Something that drove me nuts was that no one used 911 to call the police. No one. 911 was invented in 1968, but everyone is dialing the operator and asking for help. People are dying, call the cops!

If you truly want to enjoy this movie, pay close attention to the music. We noticed that the piano and the drums really make the scenes what they are. You can see that in the scene I shared above. They killed it.. pun intended.

However, I do want to warn you about the worst catchphrase ever. First of all, this is a horror movie, let’s stop trying to push a catchphrase. Second of all, “That is not cranberry sauce” does not make for a creepy line. Terry said this line five times and you know what, I’m starting to think it really is cranberry sauce.

Lastly, just a quick question, where is the best place to buy condoms? I didn’t realize that we could just buy them from a random stranger in a bathroom and trust that he didn’t poke holes in them. These people do realize they can buy them from the store right?

True Fear?

Oh goodness no. But it definitely a fun bloody slasher film that I highly suggest you watch. Blood Rage is one of those horror films where you know it’s bad but it’s so bad that it’s good. I can’t stress enough just how great the kills were. I really enjoyed how bloody it got but it didn’t look too cheesy.

If you want to watch Blood Rage, the full film is on YouTube but I’ll post the video below! Enjoy!